Which hat am I wearing?

I took a deep breath.  Each step I took was carefully considered.  It was the concentration of putting my left foot in front of my right that kept me from buckling at the knees. I held my head up, and let the air out of my lungs.  “You can do this” I said in my head.  The concentration of walking was no longer working and my thoughts began to get hectic.

What do I say first?

Who do I see first?

I should try to be warm, but professional.  Personable but intelligent.

You aren’t the aide here, the children don’t know you.

These people have no idea who you are or what your experience is, so you need to show your capability without overtaking.

There were many more things that went through my head, but they came and went too fast for me to remember.  I knew the teacher – I had seen her before and I knew her class would be amazing.  Why was I so nervous?

Because this meant something.  This process, this step, was a step closer to the goal that I’ve been working towards for 4 years.  Even though it’s a little step it feels like such a big one.  When I’m the aide I don’t take responsibility for the lessons or the class or behaviours.  I work with the teacher to achieve their goals for the children in the class.  This is different.  This is my time to really think about how it will work for me as the teacher.  That’s so hard.  I’m used to being the assistant in the classroom.  For years that’s been my place.  This step is a scary one.  The next step I took was one I will never look back from.  It was the first step I took into a classroom as “an almost” teacher.

That first day was all the good, wonderful, scary and tense things that teaching brings.  I loved it.  I loved every minute.  Like a roller coaster when you lose your stomach, I sat through the ride, I smiled, felt like screaming and enjoyed the view of the world of learning.

Tomorrow I commence day 3.  I’m taking deep breaths.



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